BPD Diaries: The MIND

If you're mentality sucks, nothing else will matter.

I asked AI what mania would look like as a monster. Look's about right.

"You're a narcissist, you're a gas lighter, I hate you. Don't ever talk to me again."

Those words blitz through my mind quite a bit, more often than I'd like to admit. That's the reality of BPD, you're going to think about shit. A lot. You have a choice though. Bitch and moan about it or put one foot infront of the other and be better, it's your call but I promise one of those is going to have a way better outcome. NOW, do I believe all those things are fully true? Nah. But what narcissist would? HA!

I'm kidding.

But really, I wasn't anywhere near perfect. Far from it. Like I've covered a million times before, I made someone feel that way and that's not cool. Everyone's feelings are valid and we have to take that into consideration when growing towards the sunlight of better mental health. Have I got your attention now? Gooooood.

So we have to use our past mistakes as fuel to set up a brighter future. If not we'll just crash and burn and the fuel would all go to waste. Yesterdays fire can still burn today and take away our foundation for whats to come if we don't preserve it right.

ooooh, Max is getting better at this

Now that we're all fired up and ready to take action, let's do it! make a game plan for your next few days. Start small. You never want to get excited to change, take on too much at once, and then not be able to handle it and self destruct or hide back in your shell. Joe Rogan said it best, " Excitement gets you started, but discipline keeps you going."

The absolute best starting place is to..

Gah I love this example. This is a dark door, nothing too appealing about it, unless you're gothic in which case enjoy that shit amigo. It's a little beaten, you can tell it's been a little warn down. Then right in the middle is this bright statement about being optimistic. This is exactly how it can happen in ones mind! I've had numerous times where I just psyched myself out in the past couple of weeks. I would be really excited about something and then start thinking... "what if?" "What if it's dead tonight at work and I don't make money? What if the roads ARE bad and I crash on the way home? What if I never find love again?"

What if... all of that was just bullshit.

Clouding our own judgement with impending doom is the exact thing that will prevent you from gaining growth spiritually, bodily, and through your own mind. Thus why we started here. BOOM!

Noticing that you are becoming anxious and starting to have these thoughts is a great thing though. Your journey to change has already begun. Self-recognition is the fore front of any personal growth and knowing your encountering a terrible habit will help you to over come it. Now, what do we do when we feel anxious and start spirialing?

• Find 5 blue things. Once you do, alternate through them a few times.

• If you're having muscle tension, flex that muscle firmly, then release. Do this for 15 seconds on, 20 seconds off. The tension will let up.

• Think of a positive statement and say it three times in your head. It helps to close your eyes while you do this, each time you say it visualize the words getting bigger. Finally, by the third time your words are so big they should push out any bad that was in there to begin with.

• Breathe. You're alive. you're okay. You're worthy of peace of mind, you just have to work a little harder to get it and you will.

These tactics have worked for physical anxiety, anxiety attacks, downward spiraling, and more for me. I'm stubborn as fuck so I know if they worked for me, they will work for you.

If you've been following so you can find resources and help for yourself, you're doing great and I'm proud of you. I see you

I do think it's important to note that if you think you might have a mental illness, try to do therapy and get on the proper meds for it if you believe you need them. I'm on them and they help, Therapy is great and every time I don't want to do it im always glad I did afterwards. Better help does have options that drops the price to $60 a week for those who want it. I know that's a lot but it is an option.

HOWEVER, the ahead app is only like $10 a month and damn is it helpful. DOWNLOAD IT!

Last thing, write, write, write, write. It helps so much to get the thoughts out of your brain. You're physically placing your doubt elsewhere when you do this and you owe it to yourself to do so. The best thing about a journal, you can be as honest as you want to be and nobody EVER has to see it. A journal won't call you crazy either.

ORRR. You could just start a super brutally honest blog about it all so the whole world can enjoy your worst moments. Whatever floats your goat dude. That just about wraps this one up for me though.

So I know I was trying to get two of these done a week, I still am, but I'm a busy man. I've got my podcast going now on tuesday nights (listen here https://open.spotify.com/show/3ducfw0M0RFGE6ueHR8fKc?si=50e32999489f4d9c), I've got my business starting to grow, I work two jobs, AANNNNDDD I have my daughter 3 nights a week. I love my life, but it is busy as fuck and that's no joke. I promised myself I would do this though so I'm going to see that through. I will forsure write once a week because honestly I enjoy it quite a bit and it's helping me immensly. Aside from my original reasons for doing this, there probably was some ego trip attached to this project in the beginning along with hopes of getting someone back in my life. It really does feel like I'm doing this for myself and whoever needs the help now and it is a great feeling. For once in a long time, I'm proud of myself and I deserve to be. Now, back to the grind! Don't get cocky, Max.

We'll all get through this shit, it'll be a bit easier with having each others backs.

Next post will be an average day in my mind, then on to the body.

Good in, Good out, Goodnight!