BPD Diaries: Just a Normal Day

I'll be honest; I'm just writing this one to keep a promise to myself. I said multiple times a week, so I'm sticking with it. Deep breath in.... Exhale..... ALRIGHT!

Let's party.

Did you know that napalm bats killed more Japanese civilians than the two-atom bomb blast? It's true; my boss told me this at lunch today. Fact-check me bitch! https://cstms.berkeley.edu/current-events/napalm-in-world-war-ii-invention-test-the-bat-bomb-and-incinerating-japan/#:~:text=Fieser%20became%20involved%20in%20%E2%80%9CProject,blazes%20a%20few%20hours%20later.

Seriously though, we tied napalm to bats and then would drop these bats over Japan. Then, when the bats would start flying over towns, it would rain napalm. Fucking wild, right? We did that shit terrible.

Why do I bring this up? Well, because I was able to participate in a group conversation and not hide behind my phone all lunch because of anxiety! I used the techniques I learned through my ahead app (I promise they aren't paying me to plug them) and came back to reality and was able to be a part of a conversation I normally would have hid from.

PROGRESS!

Elvis didn't steal most of his music overnight and I am nowhere near where I need to be, but I'm heading in the right direction. At least it feels like it. I'm keeping my promise to myself by continuing to write these blogs, and that's great. I do have a small hope that I will be able to mash all these together when I'm done and publish a self-help book. That would be dope. For now, keep learning from my mistakes and know there is hope for you. I can see people are still following these posts from my website traffic which means we're gaining an audience here.

So one thing I didn't admit earlier, my biggest reason for doing this is my daughter. Typing this out is actually making me tear up a bit but if we're going to be vulnerable, we're going to be vulnerable.

I do believe BPD is both environmentally and genetically developed. She could be in the best environment ever and still end up with this shit. That breaks my fucking heart. Knowing I could genetically give my child the worst gift imaginable hurts beyond what words could ever say. I think about it more and more here lately and it kills me. Immensely. HOWEVER!! I'm in charge of this, I will be in control, and if she does end up developing this bullshit, she will have her very own survival guide on how to deal with her lowest lows. Trust me, if I can get through this, anyone can. Especially my firecracker of a daughter, man, she's so fucking awesome. If it is my fault she has this mental disability; I can gaurendamntee it will be my fault she can live with it worry-free and manage the absolute fuck out of it in the healthiest way. We got this shit, Violet! For now, we pray and pray and pray it avoids her and keep her happy and healthy.

Let's get back on track now. I've got some very interesting topics for the upcoming post, including how diet affects your psyche, especially anxiety. How substance abuse is responsible for long-term effects. Trust me, I know. How music has PROVEN to help your anxiety. There's actually a certain song that reduces your anxiety levels. So much more to come, I'm teaching myself more about this every day so I'm providing solid, reliable information mixed in with my experience as well. It's going to get good, trust me.

Till then, Adios amigos. Buenos Noches.